After three successful years of avoiding the Bridgerton craze, it finally caught up to me. It has overtaken my social media feeds and personal conversations. While on a fat bestie vacation in St. Thomas, my best friend convinced me to watch Bridgerton, and I was hooked.
Between Regé-Jean Page's sexy-ass smile and Phoebe Dynevor's existence, I got sucked in and have been enjoying every second of it. The promos for season 3 with a gorgeous, round-faced beauty also motivated me to continue watching the show. I quickly noticed Penelope Featherington, played by Nicola Coughlan, and for the first time, I saw myself in a romance show. The good, the bad, and the ugly parts of Penelope Featherington's character have resembled mine.
We don’t outright hear why Penelope isn’t a “suitable mate for marriage,” but we know what they imply: her fatness. There were no implications for me but a grocery list of reasons why so many people thought I was “undesirable.” I often heard, “You would be beautiful if you lost weight,” and I believed it true. I was told no one would find me beautiful or desirable until I was skinny, or that I couldn’t be taken seriously in any career until my body was smaller. That always confused me. I thought I was beautiful, but my fatness felt like a veil that prevented others from seeing my beauty.
So, I waited.
I didn’t believe life was worth experiencing the way I looked. I thought my round belly and soft cheeks held me back from living life. I failed to realize that while I waited for a skinny body, time would still pass.
When I realized that, it was too late. Prom had already gone by, I hadn’t gone on a date during my teen years, I spent countless summers wearing cardigans in 90-degree weather to hide my arms, and I had no full-body pictures as a teen. In my attempt to be skinny, I sacrificed most of my young life. I didn’t want to wait anymore, so I decided to be the role model I needed when I was younger, the person whose existence made it okay for me to be who I am.
Because of body positivity, I made the conscious decision to live my life as a fat person, and it changed me forever. Everything I thought made me ugly gave me a career and a new perspective. I am featured in magazines, websites, international commercials, and even referenced in TV shows. I designed a successfully sold-out fashion collection. I did everything I thought I couldn’t do because of my body.
As I began to make a name for myself online, I received millions of messages from people from all walks of life saying that I was the reason they stopped hating their bodies, or why they decided to show off their arms for the first time in 20 years! I chose to live my life to the fullest as a fat person and hoped that other fat people would follow suit.
Yet, my journey of self-acceptance has not been easy. Some days I don’t hate my body; I can even see its beauty. On other days, I flinch at my reflection. On those days, I search for someone who looks like me and makes me feel at ease with my body.
Even though I was the role model for others to feel great about themselves, I wonder who I should look up to. Where do I draw inspiration from?
The media has never been a place where I can go for solace. In reality, media has been the root of our collective body issues. People who look like us are usually the butt of the joke and never the main character, until now.
Enter Nicola Coughlan. Seeing her play a character who is the protagonist of a romance show allows young girls and even adult women to see themselves as worthy of love and affection. We are no longer side characters or comedic relief.
Seeing her round face in press junkets while she promotes a show, where a character she plays is the main love interest, is healing something in me. I believe it is important to see real fat people live their best lives, but fictional fat people are even more crucial to society. Media still decides who we see as beautiful and essentially worthy.
For me, Penelope Featherington is a reminder that someone who looks like me can be the main character, but Nicola Coughlan is a reminder that we are no longer overlooked wallflowers. We are beautiful, round-faced beauties that the world is seeing beyond our veils.
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This was such a beautiful read! "I failed to realize that while I waited for a skinny body, time would still pass." So well said that it makes me sad for younger me. Thank you for sharing